Back to "normal"

A newsletter title that is not punctuated with an exclamation mark

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Dear Reader,

How on Earth are you?

I see rather sheepishly that my last three Substack newsletter titles end in a raw exclamation mark. That excited “!” at the end. And life has been eventful—Spanish exams, an opera outing, and a fortnight away in Sydney seeing family and friends. This weekend I am very much back at home in Ferreira de Panton, at my desk and immensely grateful for all of it. Back to “normal” until the next ripple in the pond and probably another exclamation mark … ! There it is again haha

I am completing two editing projects this weekend that call for different skills and approaches. John Martin, a psychologist with 50 years of private practice in San Francisco, entrusted me to copy edit his second book, and I was thrilled to be hired again. The first was Staying Close, a small, sensitive and wise book about intimacy and relationships, I loved it. Right up my alley. I just completed the companion book called Staying with Strain, about the inevitable and constant tensions in our close relationships, and the lifelong balance between needing to merge in unity with another person/nervous system, and (necessary) mature independence.

The book says that relational dependence on another person(s) is healthy and part of our ancient biology. We are steadied by someone´s presence, the answer to our lifelong call, Is there anybody there? We begin life within another organism, learn to be separate, and often end as a dependent again. As adults we are drawn towards dissolving boundaries, towards unity through sex and intimacy, music and dance, creative flow. John does not tiptoe around the difficult reality of our human experience. I am quoting from Staying with Strain here:

Ongoing relationships don’t just threaten us with absence. They confront us with differences, reconcilable and otherwise: conflict, misunderstanding, disappointment, dependency, anger, exhaustion, and the continuous need to coordinate two separate nervous systems that never line up perfectly for long. The strain here isn’t about a single catastrophic outcome. It’s about living, day after day, inside a field of tension that never fully dissipates.

Marital bliss exists too, does it not?! John´s writing is direct and simple, not jargon-y or academic. I hope I have added a layer of sympatico polish. He considers us humans to be fully alive and sensitive within relationships, as challenging as they are. I like the cut of his jib.

The second book, The Pattern Lens, was my first developmental editing contract following some relevant study, and I did feel I produced a useful report for the author after reading this personal development/whistleblowing book. Patterns are the silently assumed social norms in Nigeria that keep emotional truths hidden in favour of respectability, decorum and cohesion. Invested powers in the status quo. Elders hushing youngsters. Men hushing women. A chapter called The Good Daughter Contract gives you the gist of the book. However, it is not a strident feminist critique of patriarchal power, but a gently passionate suggestion to Nigerian women that they have a choice. Not to live blindly by tradition, but to question assumptions and make small changes within the status quo that will lead to a greater social awareness of roles in the family. “Once you see the pattern, you cannot unsee it.” I have offered a final copy edit/proofread now that the author has responded to my report and sent a revised MS. She has raised the page count from 64 to 152 using one-sentence lines. Tomorrow I will complete that contract.

Heather and I just saw a robin redbreast in our garden. “It is our robin, it belongs in our garden,” I said. “They are territorial.”

“The fig tree will fruit well this year,” Heather said, looking at the robin dancing next to the tree. She drove off to Mass at the convent next door, as Sister Agnes died and tonight is a funeral Mass. She was very old and died in peace. As a non-Catholic I go only once a week. I pray for more days and nights, more people and books, and for wars to simply sputter out in favour of unity and better relationships.

See you next week, hugs,

Sarah x

Photo by Anthony on Unsplash